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Whispering Sweet Nothings

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3rd May 2005

10:09pm: Is there something odd about people,
Inhabitants of "this good earth"
Being nastier, vindictive, and spiteful
Than any hurricane, earthquake, or monsoon?
I don't get it, I don't want to know
Whatever pain these people are going through
And why I end up the target of all their hateful arrows
Do they need an excuse?
Do they need to release?
The rainforests and coral reefs are already
Depleting faster than the speed of light
I keep trying to think this advancement of life
Just kills this ground, air, greens
That everyone has taken it out on
Mother Earth
That this foundation is already dead
Now that there is nothing left to destroy
We turn on each other
Leave me alone, I'm already dead
I am moping about the way we
Judge, ruin, and kill one another
Fuck you
You're time will come
Current Mood: frustrated

(1scream | pull my hair)

15th March 2005

11:49am: Wouldn't it be nice?
She asked him if he liked her, he said no.
She asked him if she was pretty, he said no.
She asked him if he wanted her, he said no.
She asked him if he would cry if she walked away, he said no.

So she turned and walked away, trying not to cry ...

He grabbed her arm and said ...
I don't like you, I love you...
You're not pretty, you're beautiful...
i dont want you, i need you...
and I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die.....
Current Mood: sad

(4screams | pull my hair)

6th December 2004

10:47pm: “Because It’s Easier To Fade Away When It’s Dark”
Ever feel like everyone will give up on you?
The world’s back has been turned for awhile
So it seems
When painted pictures lose the color
The lights of this lonely town become mundane
Ever feel like you’re numb to yourself
Maybe you’ve turned your back on the world
I’ve pricked my skin one too many times
To make sure I was a live
I had hope in us that brought me a vivid sight
I learn that these imperfections I obsess over
Have muffled out your phone call
Like water in my ears as I drown in the tub
An unfinished project, and unwrapped present
How long till the life of me wastes away
How long will I let it rot?
There was once so much to give
And that night we battled to the victor
Went the spoils
Somewhere in that pale moon
I made a house of my own and uninvited the world
And watched my black and white photos
And took a needle to my heart
And blew the lights out on the town
And admitted defeat in this battle
What have I left?
Nothing but the scars of surgery
My cottage on the moon
And abandonment of the world
You reap what you sow
You didn’t take the chance
And now you retreat for one last time
Drowning in a bath tub during a full moon
Current Mood: contemplative

(pull my hair)

22nd November 2004

9:35pm: "Rawr Is Freedom"
Rawr now I'm even more angry cuz I wrote a big post and it was erased. But I'm more calm, just as hateful. Fuck you for not thinking I wasn't grateful. I didn't give you shit for anything. I was venting and you caught me venting whoopy dee fucking doo--you ain't so perfect either so don't tell me what to fucking do, you're just a damned little girl. At least i know where my responsibilities are. At least I'm not running away from the problem, threatening to abandon everyone else you made the legal agreement with. We only need you for a couple more months, then get the fuck out if u please. I ain't blowing this out of proportion, you Mr/Ms drama queen--are. Fucking slobs, fucking cunts. Fuck you Jens. The biggest regret I have about our relationship was giving you my fucking heart. How dare you deny all that shit when you were caught redhanded. Grow the fuck up, son.
I was a fool for thinking you as someone to admire
Look at me now, I am the fool dancing before you
Well this fool will no longer be seduced by your
Faint gestures of kindess that shrivel like
Your expression when I caught you
You can trample on me
You can hate me
You can kill me
Just know I will never give in
Just know you will never win
I'd rather eat my own shit
I'd rather taste my own blood
I'd rather die
Before putting up the white flag


bitches

**********
</i> Okay, I retract some intensity from my previous statement about Jens. He is actually quite mature in the way he handles conflicts. He just needs to stop thinking with his dick. yeah as for the other roommate, the "grow the fuck up, son" still stands. I can't believe I left high school for high school all over again. </i>

(2screams | pull my hair)

20th November 2004

11:53pm: On a mission to make myself more feminine. Not bitchy feminine, but not just "one of the guys" anymore. Ha...Who's in?

(2screams | pull my hair)

4th November 2004

9:47pm: climbed up on the rainbow
just to see if I’d fall off
I’m a frosted lemon carrot
and I don’t know how
no don’t know to hold you
without shaking
no I’m not aware of how
I could possibly love you
without aching
yes I give you everything
yes I give you anything
I gave you everything
gotta watch myself
I’ve gotta love myself
and take care
and so keep the light on before
ya hop into bed
cos, baby, this is the last
honest love I’ll ever give
I saved up all my sunshine
just to see you more clear
I’m a little short on solar
and I haven’t given in
no I’m going to hold you anyway
and I’ll do it without shaking
yes I’ll love you always
and I’ll do it without aching
yes I’d give you anything
yes I’d give you anything
I gave you everything
gotta watch myself
I’ve gotta love myself
and take care
and so keep the light on before
ya hop into bed
cos, baby, this is the last
honest love I’ll ever give
I give you everything
I give you anything
I gave you everything
gotta watch my self
I’ve gotta love myself
and take care
yeah
gave you
I gave you
I gave you everything
so I’ve gotta watch myself
and love myself
and take care
this is your last love
this is your last love
this is your last love
yeah this is your last love
this is your last love
this is your last love
and so keep the light on before
ya hop into bed
cos, baby, this is the last
honest love I’ll ever give
Current Mood: disappointed

(1scream | pull my hair)

1:33am: How can you suddenly appear and make me yearn so much for things I can't have. At least I am preoccupied with feelings other than hate.
Should have done something,
But I've done it enough by the way,
Your hands are shaking,
Rather waste some time with you

(pull my hair)

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